I’m not a Christian anymore. Nor do I believe in the redemptive power of Jesus. Remember that whole “reforge a broken faith” phase of my life? Well, it seems that there isn’t any way to fix something that is irrevocably broken. Shattered. My faith has been burned to ash and blown away by the fires of evangelicalism and their accursed patrons in office. Anytime I was able to rebuild something resembling faith, it was swept aside by the continuous hypocrisy of those who cry to his name the most.

It is a betrayal of the deepest kind that I cannot even begin to try to describe in words. It has shown to me, however, that the claims of a holy and “different” religion are hollow and not worth my time.

I grew up hearing that Christianity was this pristine, God-given religion, and yet here we are, nearly 10-15 years later. It seems these folks have traded their precious Jesus for devils because it was far easier and faster to get what they wanted than to do what Jesus supposedly said to do.

I grew up hearing about “bible-believing Christians” as if that made them somehow special, and not like the other 30,000-50,000 sects that also claim to be Bible-believing Christians.

I grew up hearing about how the bible is “God-breathed.” Yet when read with any kind of scrutiny, it quickly reveals a compendium of books written by men. With the chaotic and disparate opinions and assertions typically found in books written by them. Even If I may like some of them.

Honestly, some of these things I could forgive. They certainly were not the things that inevitably broke me.

So congratulations, Christians. It wasn’t anyone’s fault but your own for my, and many others, falling away from the faith. Things taught to me about love, kindness, and forgiveness seemed to have lost their popularity and charm with you. Like Judas, you sold out your God for money. Except unlike Judas, you never received it. You sold him out for vague promises and assertions. The demons you thought you could control are now laughing as they continue their domination.

It truly did not have to be this way. But I suppose, like all man-made things, the temptation of power seems to be more important and alluring than principles when it comes down to it.

Your churches were losing members, and instead of looking inward to find out what went wrong, you lashed out at anyone and everyone who had a different opinion than you. Like the Megalomaniac, pedophilic narcissist you welcomed in with open arms, you are incapable of self-reflection and correction. 

You said to yourselves: “Surely it is the world’s fault? How can God’s church be wrong? It must be that the world is drawing people away from God.” Rather than recognize that you had drifted so far from the spirit of Jesus, and people were recognizing it. 

And so you took control, in the most anti-Jesus way. and you will, as countless generations before have, do the things that people utterly convinced of their rightness have done. You will silence, oppress, and kill those whom you think are “Misguided.” You will do it in the name of Jesus. In the decades to come, when the political party has diminished into distant memory, you will say to everyone that you never believed their lies. 

It is the same, tired story.

I don’t know if there is a God. I feel that there is something benevolent out there. All I can hope for is that I live a just life in the face of stark injustice. If that is not good enough for them. Then so be it.

To my progressive Christian brothers and sisters who will scream at me that there is indeed a different, better Christianity. I believe you, but for me, the pain is too deep. I tried to take part in that better Christianity, but all it did was remind me of the damage done to me and to others by its more wretched cousins.

“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo.

“So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

• J.R.R. Tolkien, Fellowship of the Ring