Introduction
Today, I wanted to discuss how my spiritual journey away from Christianity has actually made me feel closer to God, the Divine, Ultimacy, the Universe, whatever you want to call it. I also wanted to briefly talk about the toxic theologies that continually pushed me away from that religion, even when I had my “relapse.” There will be more in depth discussions about this in the future.
What Finally Sent Me Away
In the last 3 years or so, I have been dancing back and forth with whether or not I consider myself a Christian. I do not anymore, but as I have often said, I still carry with me the Ideology of Jesus (Non-Violence, love your neighbors and enemies alike, care for the oppressed, forgive all, etc). However, as we all know, the Ideology of Jesus is being willfully misinterpreted by vile and evil men to create a violent regime. Unfortunately for all of us, this is nothing new.
Due to world events, I was prompted to investigate the historicity of the Bible, its surrounding theologies, and the claims made by evangelicals about it. To put it nicely, I was not impressed by what I learned. Furthermore, I was angry with the church for repressing scholarship and pretending as if they had the only right answers.
It became utterly clear to me that the evangelical church was not interested in the truth, but simply desired to keep the position of power that they found themselves in. They mold the spiritual text into the most dogmatic and constricting version that gives them the most authority. They use such outdated data that it staggers any truth seeking mind.
It came to a point that I was unwilling to sell my soul to an organization that is so clearly morally incoherent, emotionally manipulative, and societally dangerous.
This is not to say that the whole of Christianity is this way. The tradition is as vast as humanity, with true beauty within it. But for me, the damage has been done, and I will likely never step foot in a church again. The weight of the church’s sin is too much for me to stomach.
Where I am at Today, It could change tomorrow
I still believe in God, but I don’t call them that. The word alone makes me think of the authoritarian, dangerous, pathetic, and jealous God that I have no interest in meditating upon. So I simply call it The Divine, or the Divine Voice if I am feeling particularly whimsical on that day.
I got that idea from a vlogbrothers video where John Green does a crash course on his views on Christianity and his faith. In it, he says:
“… Am I worried about your soul?… No. In almost every way, we are called by the same Voice. I think the Voice comes from on high, you [Hank Green] think it is of, and from, the world. But we agree that the Voice calls humans to try to make a world that is more equitable, Less hierarchical, and less marked by injustice.”
John Green
This video, “My Religion,” did a lot for me in terms of giving me permission to truly explore my beliefs. To those who read this and are struggling to take that first step, I highly recommend it.
This Idea of the divine being a voice within all of us resonated deep within my own soul. There is something that calls us all to be empathetic, inclusive, and build better communities. That, whatever our personal beliefs may be, we can live in harmony if we simply embrace the divine empathetic voice within all of us.
It may not be as life-changing for some of you. For me, however, it shattered a lot of leftover hatreds I had simmering in the back of my mind. To be specific, my hatred for atheists and, by extension, myself. Although I am not an atheist, I have always found myself in agreement with atheists far more than my fellow Christians. They always seemed to have a better grasp on the nature of the world. While atheism is another vast part of the human experience, most atheists I have known have been far better at exemplifying Christian values.
Whether this idea of a metaphorical divine voice is real or imagined, it has certainly helped me to be a better person. To be constantly called to practice empathy, inclusion, and hope. It has allowed me to drop all of these heavy weights that have been dragging on my soul. It has allowed me to interact with the world in a way that seems far more genuine to how it is today. Rather than believing in a religion that is barely more than an escape pod from a dying Earth.
Final Thoughts
I wanted to take a moment to encourage whoever may read this to go on that spiritual journey you are hesitant to go on. Do not let the fear of the unknown rule you. Ask those questions to yourself that you are too afraid to ask. Even if you don’t get answers, the act of asking is a path to freedom.
Find spiritual practices that work for you, and if in the end you find that nothing works that is okay too. The journey is the most important part!
